The Keep of Imbarkus

Postcards From Your Sidewalk

2010-03-20T12:38:00.000-07:00

I walk for exercise, briskly, all around the neighborhood, wherever my muse takes me. I have found paths and tunnels and ways-through-the-field. I have found the path less taken, and the path most taken, and often found that the better trod one is that way because it is better paved, with fewer potholes and pitfalls. Yet I often enjoy walking along these residential, suburban streets, here in a non-descript Colorado neighborhood. Doing so has given me a few things to say to a few people I'll never meet. Here goes:

1) You with the Snow-and-Ice-Covered Sidewalk In Front of Your House:

You're an asshole.

You know, once upon a time in this country there was such a thing as being "a good citizen." When there were elections, you showed up. When someone got robbed a few feet away, you pitched in. See a broken-down vehicle with a lady struggling at it? You should stop and help.

Now, people are afraid of sticking their necks out. Maybe too many people got shot preventing a mugging, or mugged by that very same lady-in-distress. Maybe the whole political process makes turning up to vote seem ludicrous. I can understand these lapses.

But here you are, in a house, with a sidewalk, after a snowstorm. All your neighbors can see fit to shovel the sidewalk. On average, two to four houses to the left and right of you have people in them doing the work of "a good citizen," shoveling that snow. But not you! Oh, no! Your level of importance is too great to be bothered with expending any effort to support your civic duty! You're too busy watching someone else do something useful on TV, no doubt. Or too busy being a big important do-nothing manager of people who don't spend their mental energy avoiding a little bit of genuine, good-for-you labor.

If I was an asshole, I'd pretend to slip and fall, and launch a lawsuit against you for letting a three inch slab of ice form on your sidewalk all winter. It's the law that you take care of this patch of concrete, you know. See, let me explain the concept to you: other citizens need that slab of concrete clear, to WALK while safely being on the SIDE of the road. That's why they call it a sidewalk, fucker, and not an "iceholder" or whatever the fuck YOU think it should be called.

When I'm walking down a sidewalk, and I walk through the civic-minded efforts of your four-to-six neighbors, just to run across your sloppy patch of self-indulgent laziness, I instantly know who the asshole in this run of homeowners is. You might be an alcoholic, or an addict, or have some other reason why you're so dysfunctional that it never occurred to you that, just because all the decent folks around you are clearing the sidewalk, maybe you should too. I don't give a fuck. It's up to your loved ones to consider your intentions.

To me, considering only the impact of your actions, you're just an asshole.

2) You Who is Clearly On Vacation:

You're a Stupid Asshole. There's two ways to do this vacation thing. You can either:

1) Have someone come over and pick up all your newspapers and take care of your civic duty in shoveling your sidewalk and driveway, ensuring your "good citizen" work is done while you're away, while simultaneously keeping your place from becoming temptation for possible crack-heads who need a crash-pad by making it appear something other than abandoned. Or you can:

2) Find yourself included under my first category of Asshole, and receive the additional qualifier of also being a Stupid Asshole, because if there's anything of value in that house you can barely see behind that pile of Denver Posts, you truly deserve to have it all stolen. ESPECIALLY the things with sentimental value.

I wish I knew some cold, hungry crack-heads RIGHT NOW. I'd advise them to break in and have the kind of party that involves crapping outside in the bushes and lighting a bonfire inside on the coffee table.

3) Barking Dog:

Look. I know it's not your fault. Maybe your owner is part of category #1 or category #2, and all you've ever had modeled for you is asshole behavior. Maybe they went on vacation and left a bowl of food the size of that pile of Denver Posts for you in lieu of, you know, love and affection. Maybe this is your life, this backyard, all the time, and there's just nothing else for you to do. Certainly no one ever put that time and attention into you to train you properly.

But THIS IS NOT YOUR FUCKING SIDEWALK.

Okay? Just because I'm walking by, OUTSIDE THE FUCKING FENCE, doesn't mean you have to continually remind me that if that fence weren't there you would be trying to rip my head off. Guess what? That's what the FUCKING FENCE IS FOR, mutt. It marks the boundary of the territory where I don't have to give a shit about you, and YOU DON'T HAVE TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME!

I mean, seriously! Why did someone go to all the trouble of building a big fucking wooden barrier to mark the edge of your territory if you're just going to freak out and go apeshit no matter what my location is, as long as you can hear or smell me. What do you think your territory is? Earshot? All spaces upwind of you?

What is required to make you ignore me as "outside the area of concern?" A fence made of airhorns and skunks? Fuck!

4) Crosswalk Signals and Their Associated Programmers/City Planners:

Hey, I understand drivers are in a hurry these days. But how about more than two flashes of "Start Walking White Guy" before you flip it on over to "Haul Ass or Die Blinking Orange Hand," okay? This fucking road is eight lanes across. If you can't stop traffic long enough for me to get across it without beating the foot-speed of Jesse Owens, than build a bridge or a tunnel or something.

It ain't like, with having to keep an eye out for all the dip-shits turning right who don't give a fuck what the crosswalk says, we can all start our chicken dash for the other side RIGHT AWAY. I just want to get to the other side without having to PLAY CHICKEN with all the guys turning right on the other side, who are invariably going to look over to the left in stunned surprise that someone is moving themselves around in some way other than in-a-car.

Summing Up

So, if all of you obstacles could get together and fix up some of these problems, walking around for some exercise might even become something in which fat, ugly Americans could find more interest, or at least less terror. Kids might take to it more. The First Lady wouldn't have to ask video game designers to come up with safe, friendly virtual sidewalks to fill the gaps. My blood pressure would better match my healthy lifestyle.

The world, in short, would be a better place. Or at least, this thin concrete strip of it would be. Okay?

Team Motivatospeak Gobble-Dee-Gook

2010-03-07T07:33:00.000-08:00

I'm looking for work right now. I'm finding contract gigs, lots of people who are looking for services a lot more than they are looking for employees. Companies value the skills I offer, and right now, I am able to continue to try to specialize in my unique skills, rather than accept a simple job and trade all my time for a much smaller amount of money.

That might change. My resources, and patience, is dwindling. One thing I will not trade away, however, is my dignity. Dig what the employees at my local Taco Bell have to both swallow and, no doubt, memorize, in order to retain their job:

A quote from this masterpiece in "Team Motivatospeak Gobble-Dee-Gook":

"We begin by asking ourselves, 'What can I do NOW to get breakthrough results in my piece of Yum?!' Our intentionality drives step change thinking. We imagine how big something can be and work future-back, going full out with positive energy and personal accountibility to make it happen."

I'm trying to imagine the distance between the Motivatospeech Writer--whose job it is, apparently, to develop mantras, full of made-up buzz-words, woefully short on meaning--and the front-line employee--whose job it is to cook and serve good food in a clean restaurant... and satisfy corporate management that they are developing the correct "intentionality" when it comes to their "piece of Yum."

Guess which employee is overpaid. Seriously.

What's Broke in America (Beside Me)

2010-01-18T19:05:00.000-08:00

Here, in brief form, is my summary of "what's broke" for ALL American workers:

1) Lack of campaign finance & lobby reform - Government sway in America can be purchased. This concentrates political power in the same places that wealth is concentrated--not very Democratic. The laws passed (such as a public health-care option) do not threaten the growing gulf between the rich and the poor, and therefore CEO's (regardless of work performance) garner outlandish pay and golden parachutes, while workers garner wage freezes to go with their inflation.

2) Unions are useless - Desirable jobs fail to unionize because contentious workers, especially in jobs involving creative expression, will just be replaced by eager, hungry, less-contentious ones. The jobs that organize mire the business process and blindly protect workers (regardless of work performance), and often become corrupt, or inept, or harmful to the businesses whose workers they represent, eliminating jobs.

3) The Stock Market wants its money - Many investors are short-term investors, who make a meaningless sum of vampiric profit from the change in worth a company experiences in a DAY, then sell. There is little room for initial loss in a business plan that needs time to reach profitability. PR and perception are rewarded (regardless of work performance), in bubbles that burst. A public company is tied to a treadmill of endlessly increasing profit expectations, until the inevitable fall.

4) People are stupid and advertising is pervasive - Most Americans buy way too much of everything they don't need, on credit, and listen to distorted perceptions of life we are given through the TV. People expect great rewards (regardless of work performance), no money is saved, and few workers have left themselves any options should they find themselves abused. Too many of us are fat, lazy, unhealthy, and disinterested, primary concerned with what's going on with Brangelina.

Ok, I vented.

Bailouts

2009-12-22T20:57:00.001-08:00

American government bailouts seem to grant new life to struggling enterprises about as well as American government invasions grant democracy to an oppressed people.

Democracy, like success in free enterprise, really only means anything at all if you've fought for and earned it yourself. My Dad, rest his soul, was often caught in the same situation, as I have experienced hardship in my life, and he was tempted to just give me money to help me out. I know he felt like his Dad hardly gave him anything at all, and although that made my Dad into a disciplined and responsible person who did provide for himself and his family, I think it also made him feel more than a little bit adrift and alone. So with me, my father often seemed to take the approach of the carrot and the stick. His offer for help would come with an uncomfortable amount of oversight into how I'd gotten myself into trouble. And more often than not he could sniff out how I was the source of my own folly, chew my ass out good for it, help me just enough, and put the screws to me to pay it back.

Yet also more often than not, at some point, especially if a holiday rolled around, these debts would be forgiven. He had a knack for trying to ensure that I learned my lesson. Sometimes I did. Sometimes he would forgive me a bit too easily, and as a crafty son I would not always be honest with how I was wasting money, true. But for the most part, my Dad made sure I never felt adrift and alone, but also made sure I felt pretty damn crappy for failing to do the right thing in my spending and working priorities. And, of course, the older I get and the more reality I absorb, the more I see he was right.

I have recently had a rather bitter experience with another father, one who has erred on the other side of the coin, and kept an umbilical cord connected to his son beyond logic and reason. To my eyes, I felt this lifeline was poisoning the son's character, leaving him a person who was far more concerned with managing the PR and flow of information to ensure the perception that he COULDN'T make it on his own, because he had never been required to, and thus, eventually, because he didn't want to.

To my perception, this character poisoning spread to all endeavors. In the workplace, the son was more concerned with managing the PR and the perception that he was working, with loud proclamations of minor efforts, while failing to notice the fact that everybody saw he spent way too much time amusing himself on the internet. And this behavior spread, like fungus, to the younger and more impressionable employees, who themselves came to feel that being asked to turn away from goofing off, and focus on work, was unreasonable. I couldn't really blame them, since I am the type of manager to ensure that the same rules apply to every one, and when it came to applying rules to the son, my hands were tied. In conversation, it soon became clear that this son had no responsibility towards cleaning or maintaining his home--had somehow arranged to get someone else to do that for him. It was something he had stated with seeming pride. It is natural for one to want to feel pride about themselves.

Yet it was also clear to me that this person was unhappy, that his pride was hollow and untrue, evidenced by how he looked for good times in a bottle as often as he could. Hard work is good for the soul. The Puritans may not have known everything, but they knew that. People who are given everything, appreciate nothing.

A society will not appreciate a democracy unless they have revolted to earn it, unless they have shed their blood and made the hard choices it takes to fight for freedom. Democracy introduced is just another imposed order. Not of the people, not by the people. American foreign policy of the last half-century has held our forceful advocacy of democracy as its panacea, while doing more damage across the world to the reputation and future of democracy than any tyrannical dictator could.

A business will not find true success unless it too has made the hard choices that it takes to earn it--revolted, in essence. Look at the auto-makers in America now, as Ford, having declined bailout money, finds new avenues to ensure its future success, while GM and Chrysler struggle with only the hope of government money to forestall their rapid brand liquidations.

This will be my second Christmas without my Dad around, thanks to a 1/4 inch lump in his lung that metastasized before he even knew it was there. I miss him, yet I may have mixed feelings about some of the ways my Dad chose to teach certain lessons to me. But I will always appreciate the fact that the lessons he chose to convey were about my benefit--concerned with who I would turn out to be--and not about him being afraid that I couldn't make it without him. Cutting someone loose to make it on their own also communicates to them that you BELIEVE in their ability to make it on their own.

Failure is more instructive than success. To protect a business, or a person, from failure is to rob from them the right to grow. And in the end, really all that is accomplished is that the failure is postponed, and eventually shared among those who do not deserve it. Which will, in itself, be instructive, but a much harder lesson to learn, and a much more divisive one to digest.

Reply From Senator Udall

2009-12-22T20:49:00.000-08:00

December 22, 2009

Dear Dana,

Thank you for contacting me with your thoughts regarding overdraft fee policy. I appreciate you taking the time to share your concerns on this issue.

As you know, Senator Chris Dodd introduced the FAIR Overdraft Coverage Act (S.1799). This bill would make changes to the law with regard to overdraft fees and penalties in an effort to increase transparency and consumer fairness. The FAIR Overdraft Coverage Act has been referred to the Senate Committee on Banking, Housing, and Urban Affairs for review. More recently, the Federal Reserve issued new rules that prohibit financial institutions from charging overdraft fees on automated teller machine(ATM) and one-time debit card transactions, unless the consumer consents, or opts in, to the overdraft service for those types of transactions. Under the rules, which will take effect on July 1, 2010, before opting in, the consumer must be provided with a notice that explains the financial institution's overdraft services, including the fees associated with the service and the consumer's choices.

I hate to see Coloradans who have unknowingly overdrawn funds hit with excessive fees, especially when so many hard-working Americans are already struggling to make ends meet. While I believe that all consumers have a personal responsibility to handle their own finances, I also believe there should be fairness with regard to the issue of overdrawing funds, which is why I welcome the Federal Reserve's new rules. I will continue to work with my colleagues of both parties to end abusive practices by financial institutions and level the playing field for American consumers.

Again, thank you for contacting me. In these hard economic times, please be assured that I will continue to keep the economic interests of Coloradans at the top of my policy agenda.

I will continue to listen closely to what you and other Coloradans have to say about matters before Congress, the concerns of our communities, and the issues facing Colorado and the nation. My job is not about merely supporting or opposing legislation; it is also about bridging the divide that has paralyzed our nation's politics. For more information about my positions and to learn how my office can assist you, please visit my website at www.markudall.senate.gov.

Warm Regards,

Mark Udall
United States Senator, Colorado

Letter to Colorado Senator Mark Udall re: Dodd’s FAIR Overdraft Coverage Act of 2009

2009-12-16T08:38:00.000-08:00

I am writing to ask you to support Senator Dodd’s FAIR Overdraft Coverage Act of 2009. I know that many senators have removed their support from the bill because they believe the Fed's decision to require banks to offer their customers the choice to opt out of "overdraft protection" will be sufficient. I am writing to tell you it will not be, and why.

Here in Colorado I used to be a customer of Commercial Federal, which was purchased by Bank of the West. Under Commercial Federal, my debit card would be rejected if, due to some accident, I attempted to change something that could not be covered by my account. We discovered that Bank of the West had a different policy quite by horrible accident, which cost my family quite a lot of cash at a time we could least afford it.

We eventually moved our "free checking" business over to Wells Fargo, since it became clear there were no banks left that offered the simple choice of not having charges go through that could not be cleared, and since my wife's employment with Barnes & Noble allowed for free online banking.

I check my balance several times a day, track every check I write, and try very hard to manage the online payments, auto-payments, and myriad of payment sources that draw from my account to avoid this situation. Yet I would say that Wells Fargo has gathered at least $1200 in fees from my account through the last three years, at times when I could least afford it, when an auto-pay bill I had anticipated and asked not to be paid came out anyway, when times got very rough, or when I simply made a mistake.

A conversation with their customer service labeled this cost as a "feature," a "convenience," for me to enjoy. One they point-blank told me could not be removed.

So, despite my fears that the Fed's ruling would hurt Senator Dodd's bill's chances, I was happy to hear about it, and after calling their customer service to have the "overdraft protection" removed and being told I had to do it in-branch, walked right into my local Wells Fargo to ask to have my "feature" removed. I was told, again point-blank, that the Fed put no time structure on that ruling, and the soonest I could expect the option would be "sometime next year."

There is no teeth to the Fed's ruling. There is no message that what has been done to consumers struggling on the edge of hardship, fighting these new byzantine banking methods is WRONG. With 3 billion dollars a month being drained from the hardest-hit consumers at a time of economic hardship, there is no INCENTIVE for them to GET THIS CHANGE DONE.

I know there are provisions in the bill that maybe go too far. I'm not sure I agree with the limits set in number of overdraft fees that can be assigned--I have no interest in pardoning the consumers out there that simply do not want to pay attention to their accounts, as I have so strenuously, and often helplessly, over the years. Yet the requirement that an overdraft fee be commensurate with the overdraft amount is key to the whole usury aspect of this "hidden credit line" most consumers like myself have no choice but to accept with our "free checking."

Support for this bill is the only way to properly communicate the gravity and seriousness with which our representatives view unfair, usuristic "lending" practices enacted on the working class families of our state and country at times in their life when they are most struggling.

36 billion dollars per year / 12 months = 3 billion dollars per month / 30 days = 100 million dollars per day that these institutions are draining from those who are already in financial trouble. They have every reason to delay. Do you have enough of a reason to push them to stop? I hope this letter will help provide one more for you.